


Love Through A Lens/Against All Odds

by writingcreature



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Danny "Danno" Williams, Bottom Steve McGarrett, Dark, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Graphic Description, M/M, Psycho Character, Rimming, Slash, Steve Whump, Top Danny "Danno" Williams, Top Steve McGarrett, mcdanno
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-10
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-02-24 22:04:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2598083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingcreature/pseuds/writingcreature
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny Williams is a passionate photographer. And when he crosses paths with the street musician and former navy seal named Steve McGarrett their lives turned upside down. While Danny has some issues of his own and is not willing to come forward with them, Steve is haunted by his past. At some point, Danny wants to tell the world how happy he is with his new found love. Unfortunately, Steve isn't very fond of it and wants to keep it a secret. What are the odds of such a complicated relationship, if there are any? And then, there's Steve's nasty blast from the past. His ex-wife Catherine. She's on the road to perdition, determined to take Steve with her, no matter what ...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Strike A Pose

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by the passionate hobby photographer Scott Caan. While a picture of Alex O'Loughlin holding a guitar brought up the rest. Thanks for all your lovely comments and the huge interest in this story (honestly, I didn't expect it), I decided to develop a much more complex storyline.

Out on the streets, he felt alive. Traffic was pulsing through the city-like blood through arteries. Barking dogs. Cars honking. Voices talking different languages. Emergency cars were rushing by. Police sirens. In between this chaos an old homeless woman. She's shoving her rusty old shopping cart through the crowded streets. Invisible for others but not for him. He aimed and shot. Then he took a look at the display. Perfect. Passing her, he dropped some dimes into a crumpled paper cup and gave her a warm hearty smile. She answered with a toothless grin and nodded briefly. "Thank you, mister. God bless." 

He'd probably made her day. Who knew? Danny could say he truly loved his job. By watching the world through the lens of a camera, he got an entirely different view of things and people. Flowers never withered, young people never grew old. He captured a moment and made it last for eternity. In his world, people weren't just ugly or beautiful, rich or poor, black or white. They were all equal. The world's most famous diva could look damn ugly after partying all night when stumbling to her limousine. He smirked and gave a sigh. Dusk set in. Like always, he'd lost track of time. Another look at the display told him that he shot about 400 pictures this afternoon. The smell of rain filled the air. Danny decided to take another way home. As he'd turned around the corner, he heard some music. A guitar, combined with a beautiful voice. He tried to figure out where it came from, but before he could; the song was over. Dammit. He slowed his pace and searched the crowd. 

His professional eye didn't betray him. A few feet ahead he caught a glimpse of a guy squatting on the street next to something. Danny pushed through the crowd. Meanwhile, the man stood. He figured out that the guy wore an old motorcycle jacket with a club name emblazoned on the back, faded jeans and black boots. He took the guitar back in his hands and started to sing. More and more people gathered around him. They were lured here by his voice and his presence. Most of the time his eyes were closed. He wasn't just singing. He became one with his guitar, made the words come alive.   

 _A cold wind blows_  
_I am shivering_  
_My body aches, as my heart is breaking_  
_Why is life making me hollow_  
_Why is happiness casting me in the shadows, in the shadows_  
_Hold on, don't turn and walk away_  
_Save me_

Danny stared at the singer's piercings – eyebrow and ear – and the tattoo on his neck, a swallow. Then he took his camera into his hand.

 _And I cried these words, but nobody came_  
_I'm all alone, running scared, losing my way in the dark_  
_I tried to get up, stand on a prayer, but I keep crashing down hard_  
_This is my side of the story_  
_Only my side of the story_  
_And nobody cares, nobody's there, no one will hear_  
_My side of the story_

He hung on these beautiful lips and wondered what they would taste like.

 _Emptiness it's all around me, I try to catch my breath, barely surviving_  
_I can't go on and I've come undone there's nothing left in me_  
_Hold on, don't turn and walk away_  
_Save me_  
_And I cried these words, but nobody came_  
_I'm all alone, running scared, losing my way in the dark_  
_I tried to get up, stand on a prayer, but I keep crashing down hard_  
_This is my side of the story_  
_Only my burden to bear_  
_And nobody cares, nobody's there, no one will hear_

For a heart stopping moment their eyes met.

 _As I fall down, hold on_  
_As I fall away_  
_I cried these words and nobody came_  
_I'm all alone, running scared, losing my way in the dark_  
_I tried to get up, stand on a prayer, but I keep crashing down hard_  
_This is my side of the story_  
_Only my side of the story_  
_My side of the story_  
_Only my burden to bear_  
_Nobody cares, nobody's there, no one will hear_  
_My side of the story_  

 

The song was over, and the audience started applauding. Many people had tears in their eyes. Dollar bills and coins filled the battered guitar case. The musician was surrounded by a group of teenage girls behaving like groupies. Danny smiled and took picture after picture. 

He was fascinated by this guy's flawless features. He was too god to be true, almost heaven sent. Danny thought, wanting nothing more than to lose himself in the arms of this stranger. With each second that ticked by it was harder for him to concentrate. Inwardly, he cursed the girls and wanted them to leave. He could feel a sting of jealousy in his heart. That was stupid. He didn't even know the guy's name. 

"Steve, my name is Steve," Danny heard a voice while he was cleaning the lens of the camera with a piece of cloth. 

Stunned he looked up. 

He gave Danny a broad grin, "you were asking for my name." 

"Was I?" he cleared his throat. Oh God, Danny could die instantly. He loved the way the corners of Steve's eyes wrinkled when he smiled. 

Steve nodded amused and pointed at the camera, "looks expensive. You're a pro?" 

"A what?" Danny could hear the words coming from this beautiful mouth, but his brain had dropped elsewhere, so it was hard to follow the conversation. And the throbbing cock made thinking even harder. 

"A professional photographer," Steve explained. 

"Oh, that, yes. Yes, I am." And if you're not stopping babbling, he's going to consider you're nuts. His inner voice interfered. 

Danny pulled himself together and looked Steve straight into the eye. That confused him even more. 

"Okay, before you consider me a nut case … my name is Danny Williams, and I'm a professional photographer." 

Steve played along, "Nice meeting you. I'm Steve McGarrett and a professional musician, kind of." 

Both started to laugh. Danny's head was buzzing like a swarm of flies. Never before in his entire life he'd felt so attracted to a man. 

Steve was about to say something when heavy rain set in. 

"Shit," he cursed and put the guitar in the case in a hurry. 

Again Danny's mouth was faster than his brain, "we can go to my place it's just two blocks down the road." 

Steve nodded briefly and tucked the case under his arm while Danny stashed the camera in the bag. The rain was pouring down hard while they ran and laughed at the same time. 

Soaking wet, they reached the entrance of Danny's apartment. For a couple of minutes, he fiddled with the key and the lock. 

"You're sure this is yours?" Steve chuckled. 

"Clumsy fingers," Danny said excusing. The truth was; Steve looked like the runner-up for a mister wet-T-shirt contest. The shirt stuck to his upper body and had become translucent. Neither did it hide a single muscle nor Steve's hard nipples. Oh, and by the way, one was pierced. 

As soon as they were inside they started to get rid of their wet clothes. Jackets, shoes, shirts. That's how far they got before Steve shoved Danny further into the anteroom and pushed his back against the wall, opposite the stairs. 

Then he pushed Danny hands above the head holding them with one of his own while he pulled the zipper of Danny's jeans down. His cock bounced right into Steve's cold hand. He winced, but when the bigger man bent down his head for a kiss, Danny welcomed the probing tongue with his. Everything turned into a blur of desperate need, sensation, and lust. And while Danny wanted nothing more than to feel Steve inside him, the musician wanted just to tease. Steve's lips found Danny's cock and sucked him off. Mouth everywhere, questing fingers. Danny was struck from the inside and the outside at the same time. Repeatedly, he called Steve's name. 'Heaven help me' Danny thought and blew like a geyser. 

"Buddy, you're okay?" A worried Steve asked because Danny stood ramrod straight in the anteroom a goofy grin on his face. 

It felt like a slap in the face when the photographer realized that his mind had just played a dirty trick on him. Nothing happened. They were still in the anteroom, wearing nothing more than their jeans. None of them moved an inch. The lump in his throat grew. Ashamed Danny closed his eyes and whispered, "Yeah. I'm good."   


	2. All Out Of Love

 

"Nooooooooooooooooo," Steve yelled and sat up straight in his bed. He was covered in sweat. His head seemed to explode, and his left leg trembled uncontrollably. Desperately he fetched the bottle of pills from the nightstand. Empty. He huffed a curse and stumbled into the bathroom. Tears cascaded down his face. He tore the left door of the mirror cabinet open and rummaged around. Everything he didn't need ended up on the floor. 

Finally, he'd found what he was looking for. His leg was still trembling. "Soon, you're fine, Steve. All you have to do is to relax." He muttered. He threw two pills into his mouth and downed them with a gulp of cold water from the faucet. Then he splashed some of it on his face as well. He took a glimpse into the mirror. The face that stared back at him was that of a lunatic. Bloodshot eyes, sunken cheeks, pale skin, unshaved. With wet fingers, he reached for the stranger in the mirror and swallowed hard. 

What day was it? He moaned and touched the scar on his hip. The tremor stopped. Totally exhausted he limped back into the sleeping room and dropped boneless onto the bed. He was so tired … darkness enveloped him …, but he forced his eyes open. It was easier to deal with the memories when he was awake. His music was the best medicine. The pills didn't kill the pain, just ease it. Writing songs, playing guitar, singing \- those were the moments when he was at peace with himself and the rest of the world. 

Steve sat up and drove both hands through his hair. He looked at his toes, then the carpeted floor. He felt the urge to vacuum. Great! The best thing he could do at 4:00 a.m. The neighbors would love him for that. He didn't want to know what they thought when he woke up screaming at the top of his lungs. Maybe, they were used to it. Maybe, they thought he had the orgasm of his life. Maybe they didn't even care. Lost in thoughts, he traced the fingers along the scar. Starting at the hip almost all the way down to his knee. Why couldn't he erase his memories as easily as the scar? How? A Hawaiian tribal tattoo covered the silent reminder. Danny was fascinated and … 

Holy Crap, DANNY! He'd totally forgotten about their date. Uhm, he wouldn't exactly call it a date. Danny had asked if Steve liked to do a photo shooting. Nothing fancy or big. Just for fun. And he agreed.   

 

 _Flashback_  

 _They'd spend a pleasant evening in Danny's apartment while their clothes rotated in the tumbler. Each of them wore a pair of sweat pants and muscle shirts. Steve was surprised that Danny showed up with the right size of clothes. It was like the photographer could read his mind._ 

 _" Oh, hope that's okay with you. I'm doing a photo shot for gym wear. One of the models has about your size and height."_ 

 _Steve winked, "I'm flattered."_ 

 _While Steve got dressed, Danny took care of the drinks and returned with a bottle of red wine. They talked about music, songwriting and photographing. Steve couldn't remember the last time he'd had such an interesting conversation. He loved the way how enthusiastic Danny talked about his work. How he used his hands to express himself._ 

 _Steve hardly knew this man and felt connected to him in a special way. Long forgotten feelings found their way to the surface made it harder to follow the conversation. Steve could swear Danny felt the same but somehow managed to keep his emotions at bay. He admired him for this ability._ 

 _When nature called Steve went into the bathroom, and Danny headed down the stairs looking for the clothes._ 

 _He flushed the toilet and braced himself cause at the same time heat flushed through his body. It's been a while since he'd been in this Energizer Bunny state. No thirst, no hunger, well not that kind of hunger. In sheer desperation, he banged his head on the tiled wall. It helped. It felt a little better. He took a deep breath and went back into the living room._ 

 _The blare of horns jolted him back to reality. He fetched his cell from the nightstand, flipped it open and turned it on. The noise of the incoming messages startled him. Seven missed calls. He cursed a mighty blue streak and was about to call Danny, but before he hit the last number, he decided against it. Danny deserved much more than a half-hearted excuse on the phone. He owed him, at least, breakfast or lunch or whatever, but at first, Steve had to turn himself into a human being.  _ 

**Few hours earlier in Danny's apartment**

Danny sat in front of the TV watching the flickering light. He swallowed repeatedly, tried to keep his emotions in check. Meanwhile, he should be used to it because that's all he did as long as Steve McGarrett was around. He should have been thankful to him that he didn't show up today, but Danny wasn't. Good Christ, they'd spent some hours together, talking. Not even touching. Except that overwhelming moment when their fingers touched when Danny put the glass of wine into Steve's hand. Well, it had been awesome for him, no clue what Steve thought about. Nothing. Why the hell should he? 

"It's all in your mind," Danny muttered. 

They're supposed to meet around 2:00 p.m. at the small little diner about five blocks from his apartment. After two and a half hours, Danny had had enough. The waitress was giving him a sympathetic look for the third time around. And he didn't want to wait until she'd give him a hug or pinch his cheek. He left a few crumpled dollar bills on the table and left. At home, he'd tried several times to call Steve, in vain. 

Danny had asked himself what in the world was so special about this guy. About six feet tall, muscular, tattooed, pierced, with blue eyes that, frankly, made him harder than anyone else he'd ever laid eyes on. That was ridiculous. He'd suddenly wound up in a fucking romance novel. Perfect! 

He wasn't even angry that the bastard had dumped him. Much more he was disappointed. He rubbed his face with both hands, sighing. Things were indeed getting out of hand. Half the day he was fantasizing about Steve. Best he could do now was go to sleep. 

Danny buried his face in the pillow and prayed desperately he would fall asleep quickly. He tried focusing on the day and found himself back in the waiting room of Dr. Tateno's office. A few months back, his worst nightmare came true when Dr. Tateno had told Danny that he suffered from Meniere's Disease. 

It's a disorder of the inner ear which causes episodes of vertigo, ringing in the ears (tinnitus), a feeling of fullness or pressure in the ear, and fluctuating hearing loss, meaning, sooner or later. he'd be deaf. Asking about a treatment, Dr. Tateno had replied, "I'm sorry Mr. Williams. There's no specific treatment for this disease." 

Danny's elder sister had been born deaf. He knew what to expect. And until yesterday, he'd accepted his fate. But everything changed when he'd met Steve. Today, Danny consulted Dr. Tateno to ask him for more tests. Now his worst nightmare wasn't to be deaf. His worst nightmare was the day he wouldn't be able to listen to Steve's beautiful voice anymore. 

Around eight o'clock in the morning, Steve arrived at Danny's apartment. He knew it was quite early, but there's been nothing that kept him any longer away from this place. The guilt he felt was unspeakable. 

Was his life a mess? The past two years more or less. Had he done anything against it? No. Why? He didn't have a reason to live. And now? Now, there was this guy called Danny Williams, who'd stepped into his life from out of nowhere. And what was Steve McGarrett doing? Fucking up on the first date. He felt like a moron. 

He put the basket with the food together with the bouquet of flowers on the stairs of Danny's apartment entrance opened the battered guitar case and took his guitar in his hands. He'd pictured everything perfectly. So why was he now feeling like a fool? He couldn't help but started to laugh. An elder woman passed by eyeing him suspiciously. Spontaneously, he picked a yellow rose from the bouquet and put it in her hand with the most beautiful smile on his face. 

"Have a pleasant day, Madame." 

First she didn't want to take it but melted like ice in the sunshine when she saw Steve's sparkling eyes. 

'This was the first good deed for today' he thought. The next wasn't as easy as he'd thought it would be. He took the guitar in his hands and played the first tunes of 'All out of love'. He didn't play the song in ages. And when he opened his mouth, the only sound that escaped it was a croak. He stopped. His heart was hammering in his chest, and his hands were shaking like he'd been out on stage in front of thousands of people. Those days were long gone. Okay, he blew out a breath, shook his right hand and started to play.

  
_I'm lying alone_  
_with my head on the phone_  
_thinking of you till it hurts_  
_I know you hurt too_  
_but what else can we do_  
_tormented and torn apart_

  
The first windows opened. Some people called him nice names. Others told the guy to shut the fuck up.  
  
_I wish I could carry_  
_your smile in my heart_  
_for times when my life seems so low_  
_it would make me believe_  
_what tomorrow could bring_  
_when today doesn't really know_  
_doesn't really know_  
  
_I'm all out of love I'm so lost without you_  
_I know you were right believing for so long_  
_I'm all out of love what am I without you_  
_I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong_  
  
'What the hell was that?' Danny thought and sat up. He heard the faintest sound of music and listened closely.  
  
_I want you to come back_  
_and carry me home_  
_away from these long lonely nights_  
_I'm reaching for you_  
_are you feeling it too_  
_does the feeling seem oh so right_  
  
No, no that couldn't be true. He took the hearing device from the nightstand and put it in his ear. For one who didn't know Danny was wearing one, it was almost invisible. Now he heard it loud and clear.  
  
_And what would you say_  
_if I'd call on you now_  
_and said that I can't hold on_  
_there's no easy way_  
_it gets harder each day_  
_please love me or I'll be gone_  
_I'll be gone_  
  
_I'm all out of love I'm so lost without you_  
_I know you were right believing for so long_  
_I'm all out of love what am I without you_  
_I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong_

  
Steve's heart felt like a jackhammer. Where was Danny? Why didn't he show up? Maybe he wasn't at home? Maybe he was at home, but he was not alone? So many questions whirled around in his head.  
  
_Oh what are you thinking of_  
_what are you thinking of_  
_what are you thinking of_  
_what are you thinking of_  
  
_I'm all out of love I'm so lost without you_  
_I know you were right believing for so long_  
_I'm all out of love what am I without you_  
_I can't be too late I know I was so wrong_  
  
While Danny went to the open window on shaky legs the lump in his throat grew bigger and bigger.  
  
_I'm all out love I'm so lost without you_  
_I know you were right believing for so long_  
_I'm all out of love what am I without you_  
_I can't be too late I know I was so wrong_

  
Danny put his head through the open window. His blond hair was tousled and unkempt. His eyes had the size of saucers, and he looked down at Steve in something beyond disbelief.  
  
_I'm all out of love I'm so lost without you_  
_I know you were right believing for so long_  
_I'm all out of love what am I without you_  
_I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong_  
  
_I'm all out of love I'm so lost without you_  
_I know you were right_  
  
That was the moment when Steve realized he felt something for Danny. Not really sure what it was. And he wished to God he'd try and find out. Because feeling this for another person was just terrifying and overwhelming at the same time. And something he'd thought he would never experience after all he'd been through.


	3. Heart Over Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long pause. My muse went on a very long vacation. Now it's back. Nastier than before. The next update will follow, soon!
> 
> Danny's townhouse  
> [](http://mycoven.net/index.php?seite=display&img=i263bc6lws)
> 
> A little something to get you in the right mood  
> [](http://mycoven.net/index.php?seite=display&img=i264bopz1g)

I've given my heart only to you

While you stand there thinking about it

There's nothing more than I can do

When you're hiding what you feel inside

The closer we get the farther you run

From the voice that speaks from the heart

The higher we climb the harder we fall

So don't leave me hanging, don't leave me hanging on

Look over your shoulder then leave it behind

Put all the heartbreak away,

We'll start all over one step at a time

Don't let the past take my place

It's heart over mind, heart over mind

Time after time you say give up

It's too hard for you to give in

Don't let the past speak louder than love

Don't live yesterday again

Your mind is holding back

what your heart's letting go

I'm fighting to help set you free

I'm wanting you, you're needing me

So don't leave me hanging, don't leave me hanging on

Look over your shoulder then leave it behind

Put all the heartbreak away

We'll start all over one step at a time

Don't let the past take my place

It's heart over mind, heart over mind

Time heals the wounded

And I know you will survive

Let's pick up the pieces

And put them together again, together again...

Look over your shoulder then leave it behind

Put all the heartbreak away

We'll start all over one step at a time

Don't let the past take my place

It's heart over mind, heart over mind (Lyrics by Stevenifer Rush)

 

The last shoot of the day. Thank God. After a long day with a complicated art director who could easily pass as an overweight Hollywood Diva on acid, and a bunch of simple untalented wannabe models, Danny felt drained and emotionally exhausted. Thank God, the party was almost over, and he could leave without further excuses. 

He'd sold out his apartment and bought a townhouse. Something he had on his mind for ages. His parents had been wealthy and left him and his sister enough money after their sudden tragic death. They were killed in a car crash in Spain during one of their vacations. At the age of thirty-three Danny suddenly became the head of the family. Taking care of a deaf teenager, his sister had been 15, took all the strength and self-discipline he could muster, but they made it. And now she was teaching deaf-and-dumb kids. She'd been inviting him repeatedly. Danny was still kind of discouraged to visit her because he would be dependent on sign language, even with hearing capabilities. One day, he wouldn't be able to avoid the inevitable, but that was a process he had to get used to. 

He tossed the keys to the chest of drawers, fetched a bottle of beer from the fridge and went outside. Danny eased himself into the rocking chair on the porch, propped his boots on the railing and stared into the darkness. He took a swig from the bottle, leaned back and closed his eyes, uttering a long sigh. He recalled the last few weeks. They'd been full of longing looks, hidden lust and burning desire. He was missing Steve, no doubt about that, but it seemed to him that his friend wasn't ready. Wasn't prepared to take their friendship to the next level. 

It was complicated. Danny's "relationships" with men in the past had been mostly short and intense while Steve never had had a relationship with a man. Just anonymous encounters and a string of one-night stands. As far as Danny knew. And that was the point. This time, Danny wanted more than a fuck. With Steve, everything felt different. And then about two weeks ago it had happened, and it had turned into a disaster. 

Before that day, there'd only been longing looks, stolen kisses in the dark. Touching with their clothes on. That was all. Danny had enough of it; he wanted nothing more than to taste Steve, to touch him, to lose himself in these strong arms and drown in this sea of blue and green. He'd felt Steve's eyes on him whenever both were together, following every single move he made. It was like an invitation. Take me, baby, I'm all yours; these were the signals Danny's got from his friend. 

And so he had taken the opportunity and had invited him over to his house. Steve was still living in his small apartment. Of course, they had spent a lot of time together but not for making out or exploring each other in a way best friends would never do ... 

 _Steve felt nervous like it was prom's night. Shit, this was going to be his first real date with Danny. That was more than the usual invitation. A night in front of the TV or playing pool while having some beers. He was going there for dinner and maybe … mind-blowing sex._ 

 _°You can do that. It's what you've been waiting for so desperately," he told his reflection in the rearview mirror._ 

 _He took a deep breath and exhaled. All of his nagging fears were outweighed by the urge to touch Danny, to kiss him, to hold him close._ 

 _Steve showered, shaved and stood ages in front of the closet door staring at his clothes as if Danny didn't know all of them by now? That was so ridiculous._ 

 _Now, as he got close to Danny's house, his heart felt like a jackhammer in his chest, and his stomach turned into a huge knot of anxiety. The eager anticipation of seeing Danny had him straining against the buttons of his fly._ 

 _°You're at the point of no return, McGarrett", he had muttered. He needed a cigarette. Too bad he gave up smoking ages ago. Glancing in the mirror, he checked his hair for the third time now. He wanted everything to be perfect. HE wanted to be perfect for Danny. A glance at the wristwatch told him he was running late. He stepped a little harder on the gas, inching up the speed._ 

 _At the first ring of the doorbell, Danny's throat closed. His mouth went dry. Wiping his wet palms on his thighs, he took a deep breath and held it for a heartbeat. He put on his brightest smile when he opened the door._ 

 _Steve wore light blue denim jeans, ripped open at the knees, a dark grey tee and black boots. Drop dead sexy._ 

 _" Hi, Babe. Get in," Danny said hoarsely._ 

 _After a quick glance around, Steve stepped in, and Danny closed the door. "Beers in the fridge, help yourself. I'm taking care of the steaks. Glad I made it home. The neighbors' dog was about to ruin our dinner for two. He was after me like the devil of a poor soul." Danny was booming with laughter and talking too much. He needed some relief. His cock twitched, and he'd been fighting an erection since he opened the door._ 

 _Suddenly, Steve appeared behind him and kissed him on the neck, "my knight in shining armor," he chuckled._ 

 _Danny startled. That came unexpected. He had wanted nothing more than to drop the dishes and … Danny had thought they'd throw themselves on each other in a rush of animalistic need, but the atmosphere, now, was completely different. Slower, sexier._ 

 _Steve sat down, the beer bottle in his hand and watched Danny. How much he loved watching his friend, showed the hard-on he'd hidden under the table. No doubt he'd spent the entire dinner with it._ 

 _Before Steve took the first bite, Danny winked at him and said barely audible, "You've no idea how much I want you … but dinner and conversation first."_ 

 _Steve blushed and murmured, "I want you, too."_ 

 _The food was delicious, and they enjoyed it while the tension grew with every second ticking away. Over the candle on the table, its flickering light illuminating their faces, the two men gazed at each other._ 

 _Honestly, Steve was close to jumping up and run away. Coward! His inner voice yelled._ 

 _A shiver ran down Steve's spine as Danny gave him another of those killer looks. A look that said, "Oh yeah, I'm going to eat you up, swallow you down and make you scream my name, over and over again."_ 

 _Sweat broke out on Steve's forehead as they got up, entwined their fingers. Danny dragged Steve up the stairs. He brought Steve's hand to his lips, kissed it and gave his knuckles a playful nip. He wanted to nip Steve. Small, sharp love bites, which would leave him begging to be fucked. Just the thought of having Steve all to himself, from head to toe, was enough to make Danny fight from shooting his load._ 

_They dropped onto the bed and, just like Danny's very first fantasy. They stared at each other, fire burning in their eyes. If Danny didn't kiss Steve right now, he'd explode._

 

 


	4. Riddle me this ...

Danny reached for Steve and slipped his hand around Steve's neck, his fingers buried in Steve's short hair. 

Danny's lips parted, Steve closed his eyes, and they met in a tender kiss. Soft, firm full lips cradled his. Danny deepened the kiss. His tongue played across Steve's lips, and then his teeth tugged at the bottom lip. Steve groaned eager for Danny's tongue and gave way. Danny entered his friend's mouth explored it softly. Steve captured it and sucked on it thoroughly. Danny's balls tightened. His cock was about bursting the zipper. 

Danny's other hand slid up Steve's leg to his crotch. He avoided touching the straining erection, pulled his head away and pulled Steve's shirt about the head. They parted. Steve moaned in protest while Danny drew a wet path with his tongue across the muscled abs. 

Danny's hot breath on his body felt incredibly well, and he arched his back. Almost like in slow motion, Danny flipped the metal buttons of Steve's fly open, one at a time. 

Steve huffed out a breath and lifted his ass as Danny pulled down the Denim together with the boxers. While Danny kissed his way back to Steve's thighs, his hand cupped him soothing his ache with a stroke. 

"Ah, you make me come," Steve hissed out through gritted teeth. He enjoyed the sensation of Danny's palm around his steel hard cock. It felt so different from the soft, smooth palm of a woman, so unlike any handy job he'd ever gotten because it was Danny doing what he'd been longing for months. 

Danny's face hovered over Steve's cock now. 

"Babe, you're so fucking beautiful, you know that?" He whispered squeezing precum from the broad head and exploring the slit with his tongue. The sight turned him on, and his cock jerked against his zipper. 

"Christ, Danny! You're killing me." The ticklish warm wetness making him want to squirm and hold rigidly still at the same time because he was scared to interrupt the intense pleasure. 

A short chuff of laughter came from Danny, apparently amused by Steve's reaction. 

It was time to give Steve what he wanted, Danny wanted it as well, and if he didn't move on he'd come before he had the chance to get down on Steve. 

He lowered his head and engulfed Steve's cock, sucking and stroking at the same time as his friend shivered and gasped. 

"Danny, you fucking bastard. Goddamn!" Steve groaned, utterly unable to express the pleasure and lust, he was feeling. 

Danny swallowed Steve's aching shaft down to the root again sucking vigorously. Ready to shoot Steve's balls tightened once more. 

He thrust reflexively as Danny's head began bobbing against his groin. Every time Danny swallowed, his throat massaged Steve's cock. 

"Holy crap!" Steve hissed. "Not yet, not yet!" 

His head flew from side to side, his fingers clenched helplessly in the sheets as he struggled to stop the orgasm that was building up in his groin. The blood roared in his ears. 

Danny pulled back, slipped his lips over the soft skin of the cock, and then swirled with his tongue around the tip. 

"No, not yet," Danny muttered. Steve lifted his head. He looked down at him to meet Danny's gaze. 

"I told you I was going to make you scream," the blonde smirked. 

"Fuck you, Danny Williams!" Steve huffed out, and he tilted his head back. 

Danny flashed a smile then hungrily took Steve's cock again. Several deep swallows threatened Steve's resolve. He pushed his doubts to the back of his mind and got lost in the sensation of Danny's hand fondling and stroking his balls. 

Steve thrust his hips, and Danny rode him, let him pump into his mouth. A shudder racked Steve's entire body. His whole world centered on his groin. The slippery warmth on is cock went on and on. 

Danny knew exactly what he was doing, and his cock was about ready to explode in his tight denim. 

"You … don't stop … going to come!" 

Steve expected Danny to pull back and to finish off with his hand. How wrong. 

Instead, he mumbled, "wanna taste you, babe, come for me, come for me, babe." 

Danny changed into a steady rhythm; Steve couldn't resist. 

"Christ … Danny … going to …" He couldn't finish his words. Instead, he screamed at the top of his lungs. Thrusting up hard one more time. It flooded past all his defenses. Hot spurts jetted out of his cock over and over again. The pleasure crested inside, and he could feel Danny swallowing steadily, taking everything Steve had to give. 

He felt the hot cum hitting the back of his throat. He swallowed the bitter, salty cream. And swallowed and swallowed and sucked Steve almost bone dry. 

Steve fell back on the sheets. Eyes closed, gasping for air. 

"Come here," He somehow managed to mumble and tugged at his friend's shoulder. 

Danny came creeping up to him. Their open lips met, tongues gently stroke each other and Steve tasted himself. 

Danny rested his head on Steve's shoulder. 

"That was breathtaking," he whispered into his friend's soft hair. 

The compact frame fit perfectly against his own. Danny smelled delicious – spicy musk and clean sweat. A combination he could die for. Steve reached down for Danny's groin. A gentle hand pushed him aside. 

Danny swallowed, "need to change. I came right behind you when you shoot down my throat. His voice was husky. "You taste more than delicious, babe." 

Both chuckled. And then they kissed again. Danny's tongue probed deeply. This time, the bitter, salty taste reminded Steve of tears. His right hand crept up and tangled in Danny's hair pulling him closer. Suddenly wishing this was another time, another place. 

They locked gazes and Danny whispered, "Love you, Steve." 

Then he slid off the bed. By the time he came back Steve was already asleep but not for long. 

 **Steve lay on the ground. He was terrified, unable to move. He heard the unmistakable sound of a rifle's bolt being slid back. Danny stood a few yards away. The gun pointed down at him.** 

 **" Why did you do this to me?" Danny yelled at him and then the flash of the muzzle exploded right in front of Steve's face.** 

Steve awoke with a blow. Chest heaving, he swung his legs over the edge and cradled his head in his hands, desperately trying to calm down. Christ, what the hell was wrong with him? It felt so real. He took a look over his shoulder. Danny didn't move an inch. He still slept like a baby. 

That's when Steve panicked. As he looked at the man of his dreams, feelings, he'd sworn never to allow himself to have blossomed inside of him. Feelings he'd rather not name. Feelings he'd desperately fought over the past few months. What the hell had he done? He should never have followed Danny's invitation. 

Carefully, not to wake up Danny, he gathered his clothes, got dressed in no time, bolted down the stairs and let himself out of the front door.   


	5. You move right through my dreams, leaving burning desire ...

 

 _Steve got behind the steering wheel couldn't stop shaking. He fired up the engine and chased his car down the street. He was on the verge of throwing up._ 

 _" You stupid idiot, you fucking coward!" he yelled at himself and dashed the back of his hand across his eyes._ 

 _If Danny didn't talk to him again, it would be no miracle. Why in the world was it so hard for him to face his sexuality? Why was he always thinking about what everyone else would say?_ 

 _Why couldn't he face the man, he – HELL NO!_ 

 _" Don't go there, Steve," he muttered._ 

 _Where had Danny taken the courage to say, "I'm gay. I'm proud of it. That is the way I chose to live."_ 

 _Tonight just proved it. He'd enjoyed every single second with Danny, the dinner, the flirting, the sex. And oh God he'd enjoyed jerking off into Danny's soft, warm mouth._ 

 _And …  he wasn't taken by surprise either. He'd known it would come to this after all those things that happened over the past few weeks or had it been months? He'd been heading down a dangerous path, but he'd been so sure that he'd be able to deal with the consequences, but he couldn't. He should have known better, known that someone was going to be hurt, and tonight, it had been Danny._ 

 _The reason he'd lost it all was he didn't want to see the pain on Danny's face, the bewilderment in his eyes when he was telling him that all this had been a mistake, a big mistake. It was easier to run away. And he was sure Danny wouldn't call him no matter what, and they would not meet again so soon, if ever. Steve's stomach turned into a knot and tears stung in his eyes._ 

 _He'd blown his chance. Fuck! How was he supposed to … to what? Go on with his life? He didn't know. All he knew was that he was going to pack his bags and head away from here, as far as he could. Nevertheless, he couldn't forget how sweet Danny's lips tasted. His tongue so damn fucking good twirling around the tip of his cock. He moaned out loudly in desperation._ 

 _Danny woke up as the door downstairs felt shut, and the neighbor's dog started barking. What the hell? The sheets next to him were rumpled and still damp from Steve's sweat. He must've left in a hurry. Half asleep he fumbled for his cell phone on the nightstand, and speed dialed Steve. The voice mail came on instantly._ 

 _" Dude, it's me, Danny. Just want to know what's going on. Are you okay? Call me."_ 

 _Yawning he snapped the phone shut, closed his eyes and fell asleep._ 

+++++ 

Squealing tires jolted Danny back onto the porch. He snorted. His boots hit the floor, and he stood. Leaning against the railing, he took a look at the stars. A chill ran down his spine. He turned around, dragged himself upstairs, undressed and stretched out on the bed. His long, thick cock lay warm against his belly. He couldn't resist, reached for the lube, spread it on his palm, closed his eyes and slit his slick hand over his engorged shaft rubbing the head with his thumb. In his fantasy, he wasn't alone. His eyes fluttered as a pleasure ran through his body at the thought of him fucking Steve. His hand was working his cock like a dynamo. His heart was about to burst. 

"Steve, oh Steve mmm you're so tight, so fucking tight, yessssssssss, mmmm … gonna … come …" Danny gasped. 

He felt the precum build; his balls tightened simultaneously with his grip. Few more strokes and he sent himself over the edge screaming Steve's name while his hot load splattered across his taut belly up to his chest. 

"Holy crap," he whispered and broke out into hysterical laughter. 

It was the fifth night in a row that he spent jerking off to a memory of a man who made his balls ache, his cock stiffen and had him coming harder than he ever had. Unfortunately, this man didn't call him back after he'd stolen himself out of his life. 

Since that night, Danny wrecked his brain if he'd misread Steve's signals. If he'd been acting too fast, if he shouldn't have said those damned words. LOVE YOU. It was their first time with each other, really together. He was overwhelmed with emotions when Steve came in his mouth. It had felt so damned right and the best he could do was telling him, " love you." Honestly, how many people were eager to hear just that on their very first date? Zilch. 

"Great!" He murmured and got up to take a shower. 

His forehead rested against the tiled wall while the hot water was drumming down on him. Why didn't he feel anger? Why wasn't he pissed that Steve left without a good-bye and didn't answer his calls? Because it was him, who fucked it up. Danny Williams scared the man of his dreams away. 

And now he wasn't even able to contact him because he was God knows where and didn't answer the damned phone. He'd been thinking about leaving him a message. What message? I miss you. Please come back to me, I want to fuck you? I want to make you scream my name. 

He turned the shower off, shrugged into his cozy bathrobe and dropped onto the bed. Maybe there was a small chance Steve would make up his mind. Until then, all he could do was wait. It was devastatingly hurtful. Time and again, he'd been asking himself how he could have been so stupid to let himself fall in love with his friend. On the other hand … how could he have not? Another thing was bothering him. When had friendship turned into love? He couldn't recall a special moment. It felt like a virus. A virus named Steve McGarrett. He barked out a laugh. 

"Hopefully, this virus knows how to use a cell phone," he muttered and checked the display of his own for the hundredth time now. Nothing. He'd even called himself from the land line to make sure his cell was working. And what miracle ... it did! 

+++++   

 

Naked, Steve lay on his bed, another long night. He pulled the pillow over his head to block the sight of the clock's green digits. It felt like they were yelling at him. Telling him how much time he'd left to live. To live a life without love, without Danny. Christ, his buddy, was as stubborn as a mule. Why didn't he give up on him? Why didn't he stop calling? Because the words "love you" weren't a meaningless phrase spoken in the heat of the moment? 

The days dragged by since he'd left or better since he'd escaped the island and Danny. More than once he'd been close to calling him back. To tell him that it had been stupid to run away, and how much he missed him. Steve pulled the pillow down. Thinking of Danny, he closed his eyes, stroked his cock and jumped on a roller coaster ride as blood rushed to fill his shaft. When he finally climaxed, a ragged sob escaped his throat. 

He rolled onto his belly. His heartbeat was thundering in his ears, and he made a decision. He couldn't go on like this. Today he'd give Danny a call, and hopefully he would answer it. And then, then they would find a solution, figure things out. Yes, that was a good idea, and he had to make up his mind about a gay relationship. No doubt it scared the shit out of him, but at least, it sounded like a plan.   

 


	6. Hero Of A Fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Graphic description of brutal sex

Early in the morning, Danny glanced at his cell, nothing. He felt a little disappointed. He didn't know what he had expected, but at least, he'd expected something. Enough of the brooding, time to get back on track. He checked his emails. A good friend of his, Chin, sent him an invitation for lunch for today, and he decided to accept it. He dialed the number, and they agreed at the time. Chin was an excellent cook and owner of a large range of different wines from all over the world. Good food, nice conversation, a little distraction while he kept hoping Steve would make up his mind and give him a call. Danny left more than a dozen messages. Now it was Steve's turn if he was still interested in …  whatever.

+++++

[ ](http://mycoven.net/index.php?seite=display&img=i270bmfd29)

"Shit, shit, fucking shit," Steve cursed looking at his cell as it lay in pieces on a towel on his desk. He'd been washing his car and entirely forgot the time. It hit him like a hammer. He planned to call Danny … dammit! He'd pulled the phone from his jeans' pocket, and speed dialed his friend. 

Voicemail. 

"Hi Danny, it's me, Steve. I wanted to tell you, I'm sorry …" was all he could manage to say because due to his wet fingers, the cell slipped from his hand. Desperately, he'd bobbled it from hand to hand knowing it was a struggle he couldn't win. Then it happened. With a PLOP, it fell into the bucket filled with dirty water. Steve almost started to cry. His heart sank. Cursing a blue streak he retrieved it but it was dead. 

He'd taken it apart, even used the blow dryer on it, but he couldn't get it to work again. Great! The land line was out of service, too. There was a construction site nearby, and they had cut the line with the excavator. Which meant no Internet either, WiFi was a luxury, and with the next neighbor being miles away, he was totally fucked. 

"That's ridiculous, fucking shit," he hissed dancing around the table and slapping his baseball cap against his thigh. 

He was angry at the cell and pissed about himself. What would Danny think about this call? That he didn't even have the guts to leave him a complete message? Steve thought it over. It would take him about half an hour to get into town and go to a local phone store to get him a new cell. He could try to reach him, again, praying Danny would pick up and not the damned voice mail. Deep in his heart he knew a simple phone call wasn't going to cut it. Unfortunately, we all know the saying 'when it rains it pours.'   

+++++

Danny was already on the ferry that took him to Lanai at Manele Bay. He stood at the railing and looked into the water. The wind was playing with his hair, and some people next to him led a lively discussion. Very noisy. He almost overheard the chirping of the phone, but it was too late to take the call. Suddenly, the most surprising thing happened. The message symbol popped up on the screen. A smile curled Danny's lips. He looked for a place quieter, not quite easy on a ferry. 

Danny pressed the mobile against his ear. Steve's voice. Let alone listen to it sent shivers of desire down his spine. It ended kind of abruptly and with an odd tone. Confused he looked around. Wow, that was short, but at least, Steve mentioned being sorry. All excited he tried to call him back but only got Steve's voicemail. He sighed and hung up. All he could do now was wait. Again. 

Lunch with Chin was great. His host was curious about his date with Steve. He had mentioned it the last time they had talked to each other on the phone. 

"So what's your opinion?" Danny asked after telling him the whole story. 

Chin dabbed his mouth with a napkin, put it aside and took a sip from his glass of wine. 

"Seriously? Steve is scared, gorgeous!" He patted Danny's hand slightly. 

"OF ME?" Danny's brows rose. 

Chin shook his head, "Nah, of what you represent, brah. Of commitment. Maybe a relationship, not just a casual fuck. And that you've told him that you love him doesn't make it any easier for him. You shouldn't be so pushy." He gave him a warm smile and winked. 

Danny gestured wildly. "Hell yeah. I know. I didn't want to tell him. It slipped from my tongue and later Steve slipped out of my bed. Everything we do around each other seems so familiar I've never experienced something similar before, my entire life. I swear. It seems I know him for ages, and not just met him." 

His shoulders sagged. He didn't look happy at all. 

"Chin, what shall I do?" 

"Oh, I'm not good at giving advice if it comes to matters of the heart. I've not been in a relationship for … " he made a dismissive gesture. "And if I've been … it only caused me a headache." 

"Not the answer I've been expecting," Danny replied bleakly. 

Chin got up to pull him into a hug. Because that's what Danny needed right now. No pun intended. Both men knew each other for such a long time that there were just tender feelings. Of course, there was banter and a touch here or there, but neither of them had any intention to cross that line. 

Chin felt Danny relax in his arms. And both had tears in their eyes, when Chin said, "Do me a favor. Don't let anyone treat you like a doormat. You deserve better. And in my opinion, you deserve the best." 

Danny took one step back but held his arms wide open. 

"Aw, will you marry me?" 

" After all those years? Sorry, but you should have come forward with it earlier. Not to forget, I'm not planning a career as a sugar daddy, either." 

"Dammit, I knew my timing sucks." Danny chuckled. "Sugar daddy? Wait, for me? Stop planting such ideas in my head if you aren't serious." 

They broke out in laughter, enjoyed some more glasses of wine. Danny took some very impressive pictures of the location. A few hours later, he fell asleep on Chin's couch.  

+++++ 

Steve was stuffing his clothes into the green duffle bag. That was so ridiculous. First, he couldn't get away from Danny fast enough. Now, he couldn't get back to him soon enough. "McGarret, you're so fucked up," he muttered. 

"I hope you're not expecting me to answer this question." 

Steve went rigid. He pressed his eyes shut. This day just couldn't get any better, could it? 

"Cat got your tongue?" Her voice was smooth as silk. 

He swallowed hard as her hand touched his shoulder. "Why so tense, darling? I know it was... well ... more than a while." 

Slowly, Steve turned around to face one of the biggest mistakes he'd ever made. His ex-wife Catherine. Long forgotten images flooded his mind. All the hurt lies, and false accusations were back in no time. They were high school sweethearts, didn't know much about life and love and were foolish enough to marry, one day. Steve couldn't even remember why. Had it been love or had it been because everyone else had been expecting it. 

 

[ ](http://mycoven.net/index.php?seite=display&img=i268boitl7)

Her hand on his heaving breast jolted him back into the room, which, suddenly, felt way too small for two people. 

"Catherine." He managed to say, finally. "What for Christ's sake are you doing here?" 

"What a warm welcome, darling." She gave him a satisfied grin. 

"Who told you I'm here?" he snapped. "Was it Joseline? She's still nothing else but shit on her mind. I should have known better when I met her at the mart." 

Catherine invaded more and more of his private space, forced her lips on his. Shit, his body, wasn't in sync with the rest of him. He grew hard, instantly. 

"Good boy, that's so much better," she mumbled and rubbed his cock through his denim. 

Disgusted Steve turned his head away. "Stop!" 

"Not very convincing," She said and pushed him onto the bed and straddled him. She placed his hands on her ass. No underwear. Steve wasn't surprised. Before she could kiss him again, he grabbed her by her wrists and shoved her roughly to the ground. Then he stood and finished packing. 

Catherine got up. She fixed hair messed up hair and clothing. 

"If you think we are through. We're not." She spat out, took his guitar and smashed it to the ground. 

It cost Steve inhumanly strength not to choke her to death right here and now. Instead, he said as calm as he could, "You owe me a new one." 

That's when Catherine lost it and threw a tantrum. They put on a fight. Another one in the history of their, more or less, unhealthy relationship. It didn't take long until Steve came to lie on her, pinning her down with his weight, fixing her arms over her head. 

Both were breathing heavily and held each other's gaze. Oh yes, Catherine could look so damned sexy with the wild look in her eyes, strands of hair across her face and the slightly parted lips. That was so much more than he could take. Over the past two weeks, the emptiness inside of him had spread like cancer. 

Catherine blew the strand of hair from her face. With tears in her eyes, she whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I had no right to do what I did. Let me go." 

Steve rolled onto his back. He couldn't tell what was hurting more: his heart or his head. Catherine vanished into the bathroom. Steve huffed out a curse. Any comfortable feeling, however, was tempered by the fact his ex-wife was an egomaniac with an attitude problem that could've spanned the Rocky Mountains and beyond. 

Lying on the floor, he watched her reflection in the mirror. She was trying to hold herself together. Her eyeliner and lipstick smeared. She looked so small and vulnerable. No matter what bullshit had exploded in his face in the past few hours, days or weeks, he couldn't get rid of this own longing. It had built up a tension, and this tension needed relief. 

She lifted her head as his face appeared in the doorway. 

"Steve ... I ..." She gripped the edge of the sink until her knuckles went white. 

"At least, you could throw cotton balls at me," He said putting a little playfulness into his voice. "I could pretend they hurt. It probably could make you happy. Catherine ..." 

She held up a hand, "don't. It's not your fault, not at all. I don't know what I was thinking. I see it now. I finally see what came undone. Though it took some time for me to realize, that, in the end, all I should have done was letting you go. I held on to love that probably never existed." Her voice broke. 

Steve was now standing right behind her. He put his hands on her shoulder. Their eyes met in the mirror. 'Steve, you're playing with fire,' his inner voice was warning him. 'You know you've crossed that line before, and that there's no return.' Christ, he was so sick and tired of putting restrictions and pressure on him. Without thinking about the consequences, he showered Catherine's neck with little kisses. 

"Friends?" He softly whispered into her ear. 

Catherine's nipples got hard. How could any woman resist Steve's tenderness, and the killer looks of his reflection? She leaned back and succumbed to Steve's strong hands and the hot kisses of his full lips. They got lost in an ecstasy of emotions. She forgot about her makeup, he about his headache, until she landed face down on the washing machine. He pushed up her skirt, opened the buttons of his fly. With brutal force, he pushed himself deep inside her. A whimper escaped her throat. She curled her fingers into the towel underneath her. He buried his fingers in her hair, yanked her head back and fucked her fast, hard and rough. 

"You filthy bitch, you whore. That's what you've been begging for the whole time. Don't tell me you don't like it, your wet pussy is telling another story." 

In the beginning, Catherine enjoyed this other Steve. They'd never had sex as rough and intense until this day, but the longer it lasted, the more uncomfortable she got. 

"Why so dumb bitch? Tell me you need it. Tell me how good I am." To emphasize his words he yanked at her hair again. "Beg me to fuck your brains out," Steve ordered. His body was covered in sweat from head to toe. 

Another strangled cry escaped her throat. If she wanted this over, she'd play along. "Steve yes, fuck me harder. I need it. I need it so desperately, make me come!" 

Steve's face had turned crimson red. Slowly, it dawned on him what he was doing. He fucked her with mindless hunger and never before experienced dominance. The blood was bubbling in his veins. Steve felt pressure mounting in his loins that he couldn't have contained much longer. He squeezed his eyes shut and let the sensation spread out through his groin and his entire body until he arched his back and exploded, and shot the hot load into her greedy pussy and bit his lower lip until he tasted blood. Totally exhausted he let go of her and sat on the edge of the tub. He pulled his shirt over his head to wipe his face with it. 

Catherine got up. She looked like someone sent her through a blender. Steve didn't care. Not a bit. Even as she started talking to him, he showed no reaction. He didn't look at her; he looked through her. 

"Steve McGarrett, this wasn't making love this was rape." She spat on the ground and left the room. 

"Love? That wasn't on the menu, never. You wanted sex; you got it." 

"I hate you, you fucking moron, you selfish bastard." The entrance door felt shut. 

"Whatever ..." 

Steve buried his head in his shirt and started to sob. He could still taste the blood in his mouth. What the hell got into him? As hard as he tried he couldn't forget the images that had flooded his mind while he'd been fucking Catherine. No doubt they would be haunting him maybe forever. 

It was Danny right there in front of him lying on the washing machine. He'd fucked Danny, not Catherine. He'd bitten his lower lip so hard for a reason. Because even the name he was about to scream as he exploded wouldn't have been hers. It was Danny, Danny all over again.   

Her hand on his heaving breast jolted him back into the room, which, suddenly, felt way too small for two people. 

"Catherine." He managed to say, finally. "What for Christ's sake are you doing here?" 

"What a warm welcome, darling." She gave him a satisfied grin. 

"Who told you I'm here?" he snapped. "Was it Joseline? She's still nothing else but shit on her mind. I should have known better when I met her at the mart." 

Catherine invaded more and more of his private space, forced her lips on his. Shit, his body, wasn't in sync with the rest of him. He grew hard, instantly. 

"Good boy, that's so much better," she mumbled and rubbed his cock through his denim. 

Disgusted Steve turned his head away. "Stop!" 

"Not very convincing," She said and pushed him onto the bed and straddled him. She placed his hands on her ass. No underwear. Steve wasn't surprised. Before she could kiss him again, he grabbed her by her wrists and shoved her roughly to the ground. Then he stood and finished packing. 

Catherine got up. She fixed hair messed up hair and clothing. 

"If you think we are through. We're not." She spat out, took his guitar and smashed it to the ground. 

It cost Steve inhumanly strength not to choke her to death right here and now. Instead, he said as calm as he could, "You owe me a new one." 

That's when Catherine lost it and threw a tantrum. They put on a fight. Another one in the history of their, more or less, unhealthy relationship. It didn't take long until Steve came to lie on her, pinning her down with his weight, fixing her arms over her head. 

Both were breathing heavily and held each other's gaze. Oh yes, Catherine could look so damned sexy with the wild look in her eyes, strands of hair across her face and the slightly parted lips. That was so much more than he could take. Over the past two weeks, the emptiness inside of him had spread like cancer. 

Catherine blew the strand of hair from her face. With tears in her eyes, she whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I had no right to do what I did. Let me go." 

Steve rolled onto his back. He couldn't tell what was hurting more: his heart or his head. Catherine vanished into the bathroom. Steve huffed out a curse. Any comfortable feeling, however, was tempered by the fact his ex-wife was an egomaniac with an attitude problem that could've spanned the Rocky Mountains and beyond. 

Lying on the floor, he watched her reflection in the mirror. She was trying to hold herself together. Her eyeliner and lipstick smeared. She looked so small and vulnerable. No matter what bullshit had exploded in his face in the past few hours, days or weeks, he couldn't get rid of this own longing. It had built up a tension, and this tension needed relief. 

She lifted her head as his face appeared in the doorway. 

"Steve ... I ..." She gripped the edge of the sink until her knuckles went white. 

"At least, you could throw cotton balls at me," He said putting a little playfulness into his voice. "I could pretend they hurt. It probably could make you happy. Catherine ..." 

She held up a hand, "don't. It's not your fault, not at all. I don't know what I was thinking. I see it now. I finally see what came undone. Though it took some time for me to realize, that, in the end, all I should have done was letting you go. I held on to love that probably never existed." Her voice broke. 

Steve was now standing right behind her. He put his hands on her shoulder. Their eyes met in the mirror. 'Steve, you're playing with fire,' his inner voice was warning him. 'You know you've crossed that line before, and that there's no return.' Christ, he was so sick and tired of putting restrictions and pressure on him. Without thinking about the consequences, he showered Catherine's neck with little kisses. 

"Friends?" He softly whispered into her ear. 

Catherine's nipples got hard. How could any woman resist Steve's tenderness, and the killer looks of his reflection? She leaned back and succumbed to Steve's strong hands and the hot kisses of his full lips. They got lost in an ecstasy of emotions. She forgot about her makeup, he about his headache, until she landed face down on the washing machine. He pushed up her skirt, opened the buttons of his fly. With brutal force, he pushed himself deep inside her. A whimper escaped her throat. She curled her fingers into the towel underneath her. He buried his fingers in her hair, yanked her head back and fucked her fast, hard and rough. 

"You filthy bitch, you whore. That's what you've been begging for the whole time. Don't tell me you don't like it, your wet pussy is telling another story." 

In the beginning, Catherine enjoyed this other Steve. They'd never had sex as rough and intense until this day, but the longer it lasted, the more uncomfortable she got. 

"Why so dumb bitch? Tell me you need it. Tell me how good I am." To emphasize his words he yanked at her hair again. "Beg me to fuck your brains out," Steve ordered. His body was covered in sweat from head to toe. 

Another strangled cry escaped her throat. If she wanted this over, she'd play along. "Steve yes, fuck me harder. I need it. I need it so desperately, make me come!" 

Steve's face had turned crimson red. Slowly, it dawned on him what he was doing. He fucked her with mindless hunger and never before experienced dominance. The blood was bubbling in his veins. Steve felt pressure mounting in his loins that he couldn't have contained much longer. He squeezed his eyes shut and let the sensation spread out through his groin and his entire body until he arched his back and exploded, and shot the hot load into her greedy pussy and bit his lower lip until he tasted blood. Totally exhausted he let go of her and sat on the edge of the tub. He pulled his shirt over his head to wipe his face with it. 

Catherine got up. She looked like someone sent her through a blender. Steve didn't care. Not a bit. Even as she started talking to him, he showed no reaction. He didn't look at her; he looked through her. 

"Steve McGarrett, this wasn't making love this was rape." She spat on the ground and left the room. 

"Love? That wasn't on the menu, never. You wanted sex; you got it." 

"I hate you, you fucking moron, you selfish bastard." The entrance door felt shut. 

"Whatever ..." 

Steve buried his head in his shirt and started to sob. He could still taste the blood in his mouth. What the hell got into him? As hard as he tried he couldn't forget the images that had flooded his mind while he'd been fucking Catherine. No doubt they would be haunting him maybe forever. 

It was Danny right there in front of him lying on the washing machine. He'd fucked Danny, not Catherine. He'd bitten his lower lip so hard for a reason. Because even the name he was about to scream as he exploded wouldn't have been hers. It was Danny, Danny all over again.

 


	7. Talk Dirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://mycoven.net/index.php?seite=display&img=i275bqltav)   
> 

Danny arched his back against the cushions, Danny in the shower, Danny in the garage tasting like honey, then bent over the hood. Palms were pressing down tightly on his inner thighs, an aggressive mouth working his dick, head bobbing up and down. Steve's entire body clenched, soared and splintered. 

A second later an unfamiliar voice. 

"What?" he gasped. As he looked down his eyes met those of a stranger. 

"Go on, pretend I'm him. It's okay." 

He froze in place. "Don't touch me again!" he snapped and got to his feet. Steve's blow hit the young man hard in the chest, sent him tumbling backward. The street lamp's flickering light played a trick on the ex-navy seal. Suddenly, the kid looked like a much younger version of Danny. 

"So you like it rough, then." The kid grinned, wiping the bloody mouth with the back of the hand. 

"GET.THE.FUCK.OUT.OF. MY.FACE." Steve was on the verge of losing it. 

The guy shook his head muttering, "Crazy motherfucker!" Then vanished into the night. 

Panting, Steve leaned against the concrete wall and buttoned up his fly. His head was about to explode, and his heart threatened to burst his chest. He tried to focus. In vain. Where the hell was he? A salty breeze caressed him while he took a look around the dark, deserted alley. 

A minute or so ticked by, then someone somewhere opened a door. People were laughing. A fast pumping rhythm, blaring car horns. 

Gasping, Steve snapped his eyes open, escaping his nightmare. It took him a while to regain his composure. He was on the couch in the living room. He couldn't tell how long he'd been out. Slowly, he sat up, then dragged himself to the toilet. He had to piss like a racehorse. He went into the bathroom after he was done. The place was still a mess. Thank God for housekeeping. He showered, shaved, popped three aspirins and left. He had to hurry because he was running late for the flight back to the island. 

Steve pulled up in front of Danny's house. The car was in the driveway. He took a look into the rear-view mirror and licked his lips. Danny was home, of course, what else? How would he react? He, Steve, didn't lose a word about paying a visit. What if Danny didn't open the door or shut it right in front of his face? What if Danny wished him to hell? Many questions, fewer answers. 

"Get your unholy ass out of the car. Otherwise, you'll never know." He told himself. His finger was hovering over the doorbell. He drew a breath and pushed the button. An Asian looking guy, wearing nothing more than jeans and being barefoot opened the door. His dark hair was damp and mussed. 

"Hi, Dan ... I'm ..." Steve's voice trailed off. His jaw dropped. 

Okay, so Danny was with another guy. Should he be surprised? Steve's heart sank. His chest tightened. He was going to handle this. He was not running away. 

"DANNO! You should come here, pronto," the guy in front of him hollered out. "Tall, handsome and gloomy seems a little lost." 

"No, don't. There's no need to ... I call him, I ..." Mister Asia gave Steve a friendly smile and left. 

Geez, the situation was embarrassing. Steve had expected the worst, but he hadn't expected to find another guy at Danny's doorstep. 

"Steve?!" his friend's voice made him jump. 

"You okay?" Danny wanted to know. All Steve could do was to nod. 

Danny motioned him in. Steve seemed to walk on clouds. His mind was blank. All he could do was watching Danny, inhaling his scent. He wanted to stay with him until the end of time. Danny took the wing chair next to the coffee table and offered Steve the other. They sat down. 

"What in the world are you doing here?" Danny asked totally surprised, "I thought you were in ... in wherever." 

Steve swallowed, "I am … I was. You know; I had to wash my car and forgot about time. I tried to call you, and the fucking cell slipped from my fucking wet fingers … fell into the bucket … dammit … I couldn't get it to work, and I had to buy me a new one …." He stammered. 

"What took you so long? Was your cell missing before you drowned it?" Danny teased. 

"Nope, I … I'm sorry Danny. I can't tell you how much I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left. I mean it was great and …" 

Suddenly he remembered the guy who opened the door. He got up, "I think I'd better go. The whole thing was a mistake." 

Danny got in his way. "What the hell is wrong with you. You come. You go, you come, you go. Have you been a Yo-Yo in a former life?" 

Steve braced himself. He tried, not to break out in tears. "I had absolutely no right to do what I've done (fucking Catherine, wishing it was you \- he added in a silent addendum). And I respect your decision. 

Danny was confused. "My decision? What ..." 

"Please, you don't have to explain yourself. I had my chance, but now it's too late. I missed it. Like I've missed all the others in the past." Hell, he felt lost. 

Danny grabbed Steve's upper arm. 

"Would you stop that bullshit and tell me what the fuck is bothering you?" 

Tears stung in Steve's eyes. 

"Danny, I think it's better if you let me go," his voice mere above a whisper. 

"No way. You're not leaving, and you're not stealing yourself out of my life, again. Been there, done that." 

Steve stared at Danny. He tried to catch a breath, but the weight on his chest pushed down, forcing air from his lungs as his heart hammered against his ribs. 

"This ... this other guy." Danny could hardly understand him. 

"You mean Chin?" he said a little too loud. 

The Asian peered into the living room. "Did I hear my name?" 

"Yes," Danny said. 

Steve was about losing the ground under his feet. What kind of sick game was that? 

Chin joined the two men. 

"Could you please tell him, that we're not fuck buddies. Because if you don't, he's going to freak out." 

Chin looked from one to the other. "Are you serious, Danny?" 

"Serious as I can be." Both men fought to keep a straight face. Steve's look was priceless. 

"Hi, tall, handsome and gloomy. My name is Chin; I'm not fucking with this little pain in the ass. We know each for God only knows how long. It would feel like having sex with my little brother, which is not on my bucket list. Enough said? And now I've got to go. My cousin Kono is preparing for a surf championship. Danny is going to take pictures, but I think you both will have enough time for ...." 

"Thank you, Chin. Bye." Danny interrupted him harshly. Chin answered with a grin, plastered all over his face. 

Steve squeezed his eyes shut. 

"I'm such an idiot. How can one be so stupid?" 

"You see, all we need to do is talk. Problem solved." 

Their eyes met. The flame of desire was still burning. 

"Fuck, Danny, babe …" Steve moaned, leaned forward and stole a kiss from Danny's mouth. 

For a heartbeat, Danny melted into this kiss, and his cock went rigid. He opened his mouth; Steve ran his tongue over Danny's upper lip. Jesus, how he'd wanted to get into this mouth, taste his friend, get lost in this wet sensation. It scared the hell out of him that he could lose his mind so quickly, whenever Danny was close to him. 

Gently, Danny pushed him back. 

"I think we should keep it at that, at least for the moment. Kono's going to kill me if I don't show up." 

"Guys, you're coming or what?" Chin yelled from the kitchen. 

"I love when you talk dirty to me." Danny quipped, took Steve's hand and dragged him along.   


	8. I'm feeling shady, lately

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [](http://mycoven.net/index.php?seite=display&img=i291bdfu79)   
> 

While Steve had a shower, Danny prepared the sleeping room with dozens of white candles.  
A smile curled his lips when he recalled the wonderful day they spent at the beach. He sensed Steve's insecurity because it took some time until he mingled with the crowd. About half an hour, he just sat there with a bottle of lemonade in his hand, watching the crowd, looking lost.  
  
Chin was very helpful. He took him under his wings, introduced him to some of their closer friends while Danny was busy taking pictures of Kono during the Championship.  
  
It was Kono's four-year-old daughter Anela who broke the ice. She tucked her ukulele into Steve's hand when he was humming a song. "Sing Uncle Steve." He acted shy and refused to take the instrument until the whole crowd started yelling, "Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve!"  
  
Danny wondered what had happened to this guy. He was cute, funny, charming, smart, gifted, talented but lacked self-esteem, pretty much. Men with such attitudes were either behaving like assholes or too good to be true. Danny thought this guy was somehow broken. And what did he do with the broken stuff? He fixed it. With a satisfied grin on his face, he sat down while his heart was hammering in his chest full of anticipation. He grew so hard that it hurt.  
  
Steve returned to the living room where a path of burning candles led his way upstairs to Danny. Nervously he licked his lips. His cock twitched underneath the towel. His heartbeat accelerated.  
He smelled the scent of incense. "Nag Champa". He remembered it from his last visit. His heart sank. He hesitated. "No, you're not chicken out. Not this time, Danny deserved better." His inner voice told him and let him move one foot in front of the other.  
  
He followed the candles and ended up in front of Danny's bed. He sat right there, naked, his lap and one leg covered with a sheet. Steve's hair and body were still damp from the shower. It seemed he was glowing in the illumination of the soft candle light. Their eyes locked, and both felt the flames of desire growing inside them. Steve didn't say a word or moved until Danny stretched out his hand, murmuring, "Come here, babe."  
  
He offered no resistance, dropped his towel while Danny pulled him into his arms. They'd been apart for far too long. So the first kiss was fierce, possessive. Danny hovered over Steve, who tangled one hand in his friend's hair while the other one was on his hips. Both were swept along and lost control completely. At last free of any restraint, they came together in a firestorm of emotion, mouths wide open and their teeth clashing. Finally, Danny pulled back to catch some air.  
  
"I need to feel you inside of me Danny. I've been waiting for you too long," Steve moaned, grabbed Danny's neck and pulled him down gently. Facing each other, they kissed again, hands wandering freely, touching collarbones and jaws, backs and arms. They got lost in space and time; their kisses became less desperate. It was more about relearning, tasting each other. The sheets had shifted, so they were now touching, skin on skin.  
  
Danny licked up the lengths of Steve's throat just to bite down on the soft skin below his ear.  
  
"I've been missing you, missing you so badly it almost drove me insane. God, I need you, Steve. I need you like the air that I breathe," he whispered.  
  
Steve buried his head in Danny's hair, "then why don't you proof it?" He murmured.  
  
Gently Danny rolled Steve onto the belly. The Ex-Navy Seal closed the eyes and got lost in the sensation of warm hands stroking his back, hips and thighs. He felt the hot breath and the soft pinch of teeth on his ass. Danny bent one of Steve's knees to open him further, and then circled his puckered hole, deliberately and gently, with his tongue.  
  
"Jesus!" Steve hollered out in surprise.  
  
He shuddered with pleasure. Now it was him who bent his knee, even more, rubbing his cock on the cotton sheets, trying to encourage his friend to proceed faster.  
  
"Don't stop it. Please." Steve moaned and bit into the pillow.  
  
Danny groaned loudly as his fingers dug into Steve's ass cheeks to tug them wide. His tongue moved faster. He was licking more intensely, teasing sensitive skin.  
  
"Oh God, yes. ARGH!" Steve arched his back, shoving his ass closer to Danny.  
  
"Need it, need more of it, please Danny, give it to me!" he gasped and rubbed his throbbing cock against the cotton sheet to get more sensation. Steve cried out again as Danny's tongue started fucking him.  
  
His mind was entirely blank. He couldn't think and didn't want to. All he wanted was more, much more.  
  
Danny's cock was aching, but he didn't care. He'd no doubt to get what he wanted this time. His heart felt like a jackhammer when he came up for air, once more and replaced his tongue with two of his fingers.  
  
It aroused him even more to watch Steve writhing with pleasure underneath him. His fingers thrust in and out. Constantly searching for Steve's sweet spot.  
  
"Come on; I want to hear you, babe," Danny encouraged him.  
  
Steve thought he was losing his mind, unable to get enough air into his lungs, and then he could, and he screamed and started to fuck himself on Danny's fingers by rolling back his hips. Once again, his friend touched the sullen spot inside of him. Sensation shot through Steve's body.  
  
"Jesus, Danny, can't wait any longer. Fuck me Danny, please fuck me," he begged. His breath was coming in short quick gasps.  
  
A sudden gust of hot air was in his ear. "You're sure, and you want it?" Danny's voice was low and thick.  
  
Steve leant his head back to feel the warm, solid strength of Danny's shoulder behind him.  
  
He knew if he'd let it happen, there was no return, but he'd thrown his fear together with his doubts over board as soon as their lips met for the first time, this evening.  
  
"Yes," Steve said. "I want this. I fucking want this. Don't make me beg and wait any longer."  
  
Steve caught a glimpse of Danny's hand. The bedside drawer was opened and closed again. Danny opened the condom wrapper with his teeth and sheathed his dick in the transparent cock wrapper. Then lubed himself and his lovers hole up. It was clear he wanted Steve, who uttered, "Please, fuck me," feel comfortable. It wouldn't have mattered what he said because Danny was already inserting his mushroom into his lover's hole. Right away, it felt amazing and big and huge and fantastic. Danny knew what he was doing, moving slowly but steadily forward, caressing Steve's back and cheeks as he was panting away the little pain he was causing.  
  
"Are you okay?" Danny asked concerned.  
  
Steve couldn't answer other than to moan. He felt stretched to the limit with this big cock buried deep inside of him. Danny held there a moment, leaning partly over his friend to spread kisses over his shoulders.  
  
"You're wonderful and your mine," he whispered and then with more voice he added, "Steve, fuck you're so tight!"  
  
Danny started to move keeping hold of Steve's hips as he thrust. The movements he began to make inside of Steve were as gentle as they could be.  
  
"My best friend in the world is currently fucking me," crossed Steve's mind, but suddenly, this thought held no more terror or disgust only pleasure and sheer lust. Giving Danny all of him was the ultimate gift.  
  
"Danny, I'm yours, now and forever," he moaned and reached for his cock with one hand.  
  
Thrust after thrust Steve sensed Danny's confidence growing until he was fucking Steve soundly, plunging into him over and over even bruising Steve's skin with his hands.  
  
"Love to fuck you, babe. Love to love you this way. Want to fuck you all night long," Danny's hot, breathless voice was a counterpoint to that deep, urgent sound that came from Steve's throat.  
  
There weren't enough words to describe these mixed emotions. So he grunted and growled and threw himself back to meet Danny's thrusts.  
  
Steve's arms gave out, and he sank onto the pillow, his knees spreading as Danny pounded against his gland forcing him closer to coming.  
  
"Fuck me, wanna feel you. Fuck me harder, yes," Steve hissed. Now pulling at himself almost brutally, desperately yanking his climax from his body.  
  
"Coming Danny, oh God, coming, so close …."  
  
"Yeah babe, come for me, come for me," Danny panted behind him.  
  
Steve's howl grew into a roar, and he threw his head back and squeezed his eyes shut. He felt his body spasm endlessly around his beloved intruder. The world grew hazy, and his roar faded as Steve shot onto the sheets and ribbons of cum soaked the bedding while he was panting and groaning.  
  
It was enough to push Danny over the edge.  
  
"I'm coming, Steve, I'm coming so hard. God, Steve!"  
  
His hips jerked one last time against Steve's ass as he came, pressing so close to his body that for a heartbeat, it truly seemed they're one.  
  
Steve was hardly aware of Danny as he shivered above him, gasping for air as he was riding out the rush and dying in the blinding white light behind his eyelids.  
  
"God, oh God."  
  
Steve felt desperate fingers in his hair, and hungry lips on his neck.  
  
"Babe," Steve whispered, "thank you."  
  
Totally exhausted he sank onto the bed, lying in the mess and not caring about it.  
  
Danny settled beside him wrapping an arm around Steve.  
  
"No, thank you."  
  
Then he pulled Steve the final fraction of an inch closer.  
  
"Love, you," it was a whisper or was it a sigh? Danny wasn't sure which one of them had said it. Did it matter? Right now, they were together. Breathing in the warm scent of Steve's skin he drifted off into sleep.


	9. Miss You Like Crazy

Time was fleeting. Steve and Danny got more and more comfortable around each other. Their relationship grew tighter, but it was still far from being perfect. Sometimes, dark shadows crossed Steve's features and then, his nightmares got worse. All Danny could do was to be there for his lover who didn't want to open up about what caused all of this. He rocked Steve gently, stroked his hair and kissed his forehead tenderly. Danny wasn't even sure he wanted to know what had happened to his friend. Because with the time he'd found out that Steve's tattoos covered some nasty scares. The boy from Jersey didn't think their relationship couldn't become any more complicated until Steve got a call one day.

After they had finished breakfast, Danny put the dishes into the dishwashing machine while Steve went over to the living room. He sat down and wanted to work on his new song as his cell phone chirped.

On the other end of the line was Steve's Aunt Trudy. She told him that his father had died and that he needed to come to Texas for the funeral.

"Steven, I know the two of you weren't close and hadn't talked to each other in ages. But he was your father and after your mom's death, he changed. He didn't want me to call you earlier. He suffered from pancreatic cancer. Such a horrible disease," she sniveled. "I'm not asking for much. Just show your father the respect he deserved. I took care about the funeral. All you need to do, is to come here. Except ..,"

"Except for what?" Steve wanted to know.

"Except for the ranch. Your father's last will was that you should decide whether it should be put on sale or not."

"Great," Steve huffed out a curse, "the old bastard did this on purpose."

"Probably, I don't care. I want you to come here and take responsibility for once in your fucked up life. You don't know how much your daddy loved you." She hung up on him.

Steve dropped onto the couch and stared at the display of his phone until it went dark. His mind was racing. He had not been thinking a lot about his old man, lately. He blamed his father for what had happened to him because he'd made Steve join the army. And after Steve had returned after two rounds in Afghanistan, bruised and battered as well on the inside as on the outside, the bastard had nothing better to do than to throw him out of the ranch and also his life.

Now he was dead and his aunt Trudy demanded that Steve should pay his father the proper respect. What respect? On the other hand, there was the ranch. If Steve sold it, he would have enough money to fulfill Danny's dream and buy a nice little condo on the beach for the two of them.

Danny wiped his wet palms on his jeans as he returned from the kitchen. Steve sat on the couch, shoulders sagged.

"Babe, you're okay?"

[](http://mycoven.net/index.php?seite=display&img=i318b34l86)

Steve's head jerked up, and his eyes met Danny's. He shook his head, "it was my Aunt Trudy. My father died a few days ago. Cancer. She wants me to come to Texas for the funeral."

With three long strides, Danny was on his side, sat down next to him and took him into his arms.

"Of course, you go to Texas. I'm coming with you. I can reschedule my shooting or ask Chin to help me out."

Steve's back went rigid, and he refused Danny's offer, immediately. Even when Danny assured him, he would accompany him as a friend, not as his lover. But Steve still felt uncomfortable with it, and he was looking for excuses, and finally Danny gave in and let him leave, although it was almost tearing him apart.

[](http://mycoven.net/index.php?seite=display&img=i316b246n5)

As promised, Steve called him regularly, but the calls were short and impersonal. Danny thought maybe Steve's Aunt was around so he couldn't talk freely.

+++++

The funeral felt awkward to Steve. About eighty people gathered around his father's grave some in tears and all of them sorrowful. He knew only a handful of them. Steve had a grim look on his face as he watched his father's coffin being lowered down into the grave.

They saying 'if you look long enough into the abyss the abyss will look into you' crossed Steve's mind.

He heard loud sobs next to him. Aunt Trudy wiped her eyes with a crumpled handkerchief. The priest left, and the gravediggers started their task. After the funeral was over everyone was respectful and gave him and his father's sister their condolences. Some of them followed her inviting to the ranch.

Steve leaned against the doorframe of the huge living room, a bottle of beer in his hand and scanned the crowd. They were all involved in lively discussions or told stories about his father to each other. He hardly listened. His thoughts wandered to Danny again and again. He called him several times, but his calls went straight to voicemail. Of course, Steve didn't expect his lover to wait for his calls. But he expected a call in return or a text message. He took a swig from the bottle and went upstairs into his room. Fully dressed he plopped onto the bed and felt asleep.

Danny texted him the next day that he was in an area with bad reception but would return home later that evening.

Steve sat on the back of a black stallion, watching the beautiful sunset. Unfortunately, he couldn't really enjoy it. Something was missing or better someone … Danny. Shit, his mental walls were falling fast. Nope, screw that. They were blown the hell away. All the darkness that had surrounded his life, fuck, it didn't just surround him, it had consumed him until Danny Williams came along and worked his magic. But could he have a life with a man? He could feel a growing sense of uncertainty and shame. How would it affect his life if he came out of the closet? What would happen to him if their relationship didn't last? Would he be able to love another man the way he loved Danny?

Steve chewed at his bottom lip. That was his first time he was about to have a relationship with a man. When he had been younger, he'd tried some things out. Quick nameless sex, mostly. Never stayed around for too long, not even staying overnight. He felt reminded of Danny's and his first date. His heart sank. Damn it! And then there had been Catherine. Steve shuddered.

And because he loved Danny that much, he was sitting here in the middle of nowhere on a horse, watching the sunset all by himself. He shook his head. With the blond whirlwind, he knew there was a man he wanted to wake up with, someone he could open up and - if he only had the guts – he could even let him into his heart. It scared the crap out of him. So what should he do? Call Danny and tell him, sorry, babe, I'm too fucking scared to take a chance on you?

"Fucking coward," he muttered then clicked his tongue. The horse started moving, heading down toward the barn. All Steve wanted was to call Danny. Not just one of these "how are you doing?" calls. He needed him, needed him so badly that it hurt.

About two hours later, he hurried upstairs, locked himself inside his room, fetched his cell from the nightstand and speed dialed Danny.

First, his friend's voice mail came up, but Steve tried it again.

[](http://mycoven.net/index.php?seite=display&img=i319bvyt4c)

Danny returned from a long walk. From time to time he needed to be outside all by himself. Needed to clear his mind. His heart skipped a beat when his cell chirped. Nervously he searched his pockets until he realized that the sound came from elsewhere. He'd left his phone on the coffee table. He didn't need to look at the caller ID. The ringtone belonged to Steve.

"Hello?" Danny said breathlessly.

"Hi, Danny, what's up?"

Danny grimaced and sat down on the couch. His cock twitched in his jeans, "not much. I just got back home. I took a walk on the beach. Had to clear my mind. I'm quite lost all by myself."

Silence.

"I miss you." Danny softly said.

Steve licked his lips, "Babe, I'm calling you … I'm calling you to tell you I'm so sorry. I mean …"

"Hey, no apologies, okay? Family comes first. But I do hope I get the chance to welcome you properly," Danny teased him, "because I really miss you." Christ, his cock throbbed, begged for release. He lay on the couch slid down the zipper and tugged at his jeans with one hand until his cock proudly jutted from the nest of blond hair. Danny didn't wear underwear.

Unfortunately, he knew phone sex wouldn't be enough, but it was better than nothing.

"Are you hard, Steve? Cause I've been hard all day while thinking about you." He moaned.

Steve's balls tightened. Danny knew exactly which buttons he had to push.

"I want you to suck me, and afterward you lick me clean, taste my cum," Danny rasped.

"You know talking to me like that makes me damned horny," Steve pulled down his jeans along with his briefs and started stroking his cock.

"Suck the jism right out of me, Steve." Danny panted at the other end of the line, and his cock leaked pre-cum. He thumbed it over the head moaning loudly. "Steve, tell me you want me."

"Yes," The strangled word escaped Steve's lips. A few strokes later he managed to say, "I want you, Danny. I want you to fuck me. Slam into me, ride me hard."

He squeezed the head with his thumb and forefinger and watched the pre-cum dripping down on the side of his cock, then started stroking himself in a harsh steady rhythm.

"I want to taste you in my mouth when you explode," Danny hissed pumping like crazy.

Steve's heartbeat thundered in his ears. He thought boiling water was rushing through his veins shooting from his spine straight to his aching cock. "Babe, this is too fucking good. Going to blow my load." His balls were already drawing up tight against his body.

"Yeah, babe, come. Come for me. Love you. Gonna suck you dry." Danny's low voice so close to his ear finally sent him over the edge.

Steve's breath came in ragged gasps. His right hand kicked up the pace, working his cock at an unforgiving, brutal speed.

"I'm coming … argh … Danny, fuck, Danny!" He cried out as he shot his hot load onto his taut belly.

Hearing Steve's desperate sounds made Danny pump his lust-laden cock faster, "Shit I'm going to come, Babe, oh shit. Here it comes!" He screwed his eyes shut. Zillions of white stars exploded around him. He milked his cock until no juices remained beside a single drip of cum that dangled from the tiny hole in the tip, too stubborn to break or fly out all over his belly as the rest had. Only then he realized that the muffled scream that echoed in his head came right from his throat.

It took a while until their breaths evened out.

"Christ, Steve we have to stop this." Danny's voice sounded like he'd swallowed sandpaper.

"I'm total with you," Steve smirked, "jerking off like a fourteen-year-old teenager with raging hormones can't be healthy. Not to mention my hand and my elbow hurt like hell."

Danny grinned from ear to ear, "you know it got worse, don't you?"

"What are you talking about?" Steve sounded a little insecure.

"I had your ass, and now I just can't get enough of it. I want it all the time; I'm addicted to you, babe."

Danny's husky voice sent shivers down Steve's spine.

"Danny … I … I can't get enough of you, too and it scares the crap out of me", Steve confessed.

Danny swallowed, stunned. It took him quite a while to answer.

"I'm scared too, babe. My feelings for you are so intense not like anything else I've ever experienced. You know what? I'm so afraid to screw this up because it's all I've ever wanted from the moment we met."

Tonight, Danny wore his heart on his tongue, so he kept on talking. "And I know I won't get a second chance not this time. It is something special … You're something special."

Tears glistened in Steve's eyes. He'd not expected to hear those words from Danny. Hell, he'd expected nothing at all. And now …

"Steve, are you still there?" Danny's voice jerked him back to reality.

"Oh, of course … yeah. I'm still here."

"So you'll be back soon?"

"Yes, hopefully, I'm back on the island by Friday. Would that be okay?"

Danny closed his eyes in relief, "anything would be okay if I just can hold you in my arms, babe. Love you."

"Love you, too," Steve replied with a silly grin on his face and ended the call.

[](http://mycoven.net/index.php?seite=display&img=i320byuimh)

Outside, hidden in the darkness, Catherine stood there watching Steve's room until the light went out.


	10. Survivor

Steve awoke to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and sizzling bacon. A look at the alarm clock on the nightstand told him it was 8:15 am. He got up and went into the bathroom for a quick shower while Danny's words from last night still echoed in his head. He wanted nothing more than heading home as soon as possible. Home, a word he used quite seldom these days. 

Dressed in jeans, a black tee and cowboy boots he rushed down the stairs and stopped short in the kitchen. He heard two women talk to each other. One was his aunt. The other voice sent chills down his spine. Catherine. His good mood was gone in the blink of an eye. Full of anger he stormed outside on the porch. 

"What the hell are you doing here?" he yelled at her. 

Catherine lifted her head and gave him the sweetest smile, "Good morning to you, darling. I was telling your aunt how sorry I am that I couldn't make it to your dad's funeral." 

"Get the fuck off. I want you out, now!" Steve ordered. 

"Steven, that's not a way to treat a lady. Mind your tongue, young man," His aunt chimed in then turned to Catherine, "I have to apologize for my nephew's behavior. He apparently lacks in manners." 

"Shut it, Trudy. You've no clue about what's going on," Steve cut her short. 

"Steve, would you stop treating your aunt and me as one of your bitches?" Catherine said calm, too calm. 

Trudy took a sip from her coffee mug and tried not to lose her composure. 

After she had set the mug aside, she took Catherine's hand in both of hers. "You're right; it's going to be a long way for the two of you. I'm surprised you take another chance with my nephew." 

Steve's face paled immediately, and his blue eyes doubled in size. He thought he was going to choke. Suddenly, the air around him got very thin. 

Without further ado, he grabbed one of Catherine's wrists and dragged her out of earshot. He needed to talk to her in private. 

Too angry to speak, she kicked him in the shin as soon as they arrived at the stables. Steve's grip on her wrist loosened, and she jerked free, kicking him in the other shin for good measure. 

"What the hell is wrong with you, Cat?" Steve bent down to rub his sore shins, "What bullshit are you telling my aunt?" 

"You've just buried your father. I know you didn't have any respect for him. At least, you can show some to your aunt, she deserves better than that. Like me, she was always there for you. We were there to mend the broken pieces of your life." 

Steve straightened up and looked at her squarely. "Cut that crap, Cat. You were never there for me. It was you who left us. Me and our dying son Connor who didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell after he was diagnosed with his terminal disease. Where were you through all his sleepless nights? Where were you ...?" 

"Steve, give me a break. I never wanted that child. All I wanted was a life and a future with you. You were on your way to Wall Street. Didn't you enjoy the parties and glamour, the fancy cars, the penthouse in New York? We were just one step ahead to live a life of comfort and ease. However, from one day to the other, you decided to throw it all away and joined the Navy. You chose the life of a soldier over the life of a billionaire. What a waste. I stood with you, and I gave birth to Connor. How much more did you want me to take after he was diagnosed with the Pompe disease? You'd already taken my dreams away by joining the Military." 

"Exactly, YOUR dreams. They were never mine," Steve retorted, tears glistened in his eyes. 

"I wouldn't say so. You were the one who couldn't get enough of the parties in the country club. You were the one who showered me with expensive gifts of jewelry and clothes." Catherine said. 

Steve huffed out an angry breath, "A man can change. I always felt something missing in my life. It was you who pushed me into the wrong direction." 

"Sorry for making us a successful, wealthy couple. We had it all, Steven. And you destroyed it just like that." Catherine snapped her fingers. 

"It wasn't just like that. You don't know how many sleepless nights I've spent thinking what else I could do and how often I'd given in to make you happy." Steve desperately tried not to lose his composure. 

"You think you're smart, and you know much about life. But you know shit. Do you have any idea what I went through after you told me you decided to serve your country?" Her voice was oozing sarcasm, "Didn't I wait for you? Weren't I at your side after you were seriously injured and spent months in the hospital? I hoped you'd make up your mind and go on with the business. Then I got pregnant and gave birth to Connor. All for you, Steve, all for you. But it wasn't enough. Again, your priorities changed in the wrong way. You loved Connor more than me. You gave him all your attention and forgot about me and our plans." 

"You haven't changed a bit; you're still the self-righteous bitch you were back in the days," Steve spat out, "War is a life-altering experience. I've watched many of my comrades die. And I've watched my son die." He swallowed, but the lump in his throat didn't want to go away. 

"Guess what? You volunteered for it. Nobody forced you to do the things you did. You decided to join the Navy, and it was your decision to waste our money for Connor's treatment, which turned out to be senseless. You should have let him die after I gave birth to him. Instead, you chose to play God and kept him alive for another nine or ten months." 

Catherine didn't see the slap coming. One minute she stood on her feet, and the next she landed on her ass with her cheek burning like fire. She leaped up to go after Steve. He was faster and held both of her upper arms with a firm grip of his hands. 

"Tell me one thing, Cat. Why are you back? What do you want from me? If you want to humiliate me, congratulations, you won. I shouldn't have fucked with you. It was a mistake. I'm done with you and now, crawl back under whatever stone you came from. Leave me the hell alone!" 

An angry cry escaped her throat. "So you can live with your surf beauty and her bastard child in peace? She's now your queen of hearts, isn't she? I've seen pictures of the two of you in some magazines." 

Disgusted, Steve pushed her away and shook his head, "No, hell no. That's not true. You make me sick. Kono's just a friend." 

"I wasn't born yesterday, and I didn't expect you telling me the truth about that Kono bitch. You might be done Steve, but I'm not. If I can't have you, nobody else can. You owe me, Steve. You owe me." 

"I owe you?" He got into it, "What are you talking about? You got the money, the house, the car. Why can't you accept that we're going separate ways? I don't care who you're fucking with, today or tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. I don't have any right to tell you what to do, neither do you." 

"I'm going to destroy your life like you've destroyed mine. Remember my words when you're lying on the ground and nobody will be there to help you back on your feet again. All of your so-called friends will be long gone." With that, she turned on her heel and left. 

Steve started walking back to the house. Suddenly, his stomach heaved, and a wave of nausea washed over him. Unable to keep walking he stopped and leaned against a tree, gasping for air. He couldn't tell why he confronted Catherine with their son's death after all the time. Maybe because he'd bottled up his feelings for too long? Maybe because he was finally taking Danny's and his relationship to another level, and he would have liked to come clean? He had enough of all the skeletons in his closet. 

His dead son and his dead comrades haunted him in his nightmares. No matter how hard he tried, he was always too late to save them. They looked at him reproachfully and had only one question for him, "Why?" He carried the burden of survivor's guilt and loss. Parents should never have to bury their child first. 

He'd never had much faith. After Connor's death, he'd lost it completely. He thought to lose his child was his kind of punishment for all the people he couldn't safe during his time with the Navy, although, a look at his medals would rather tell a different story. He'd left the Military highly decorated. For some people, he might have been a hero. But no money or medal could've saved his son's life. Steve started crying. He felt more alone than he'd ever felt in his entire life.  


	11. No More Secrets And Lies

"What the hell have you done to poor Catherine? She didn't even say goodbye; she was all up in tears when she left."  
  
"That's none of your fucking business, Trudy. But believe me, when I say, this woman is a liar and a cheater, a heartless bitch." Steve snapped and stormed upstairs to pack his bags.  
  
He needed to get out of here, and back to the one person; he's missed the most: Danny. He would tell him everything, no more secrets, no more hiding.  
  
Full of anger, Trudy followed his nephew upstairs, "Who the hell you think you are? You have no right to talk that way about the woman who gave birth to your son. She's been through a lot. You know that when you proposed to her and married her. You vowed …"  
  
Steve turned around so he could face her, "Cut that crap, Trudy. You weren't there when she turned her back on Connor and me."  
  
"What difference would've made if she'd stayed with you? Did you ever consider how it hurt her to watch her son die and you along with him?" Trudy spat.  
  
"What do you mean?" Steve asked.  
  
"You were so into your son that you forgot about your wife and the needs she might have. You spent a fortune on saving Connor. And it was all for nothing. Catherine did the only thing she could. She jumped off the sinking ship. Did you ever waste a thought about who you actually tried to save? I've told you a thousand times; it wasn't your fault your brother Andy died. He was a reckless guy."  
  
Steve hands curled into fists, "Don't go there, Trudy."  
  
"Or what? Are You gonna punch your old aunt into her ugly face? If it helps you, come on, Steven. Hit me. Here I stand. But I'm not keeping my mouth shut. Too many things have been left unspoken. Look at you. You're not half the man you used to be. You're so guilt-ridden that it makes me sick. You blame yourself for everything that happened to that god damned family. You even thought it was your fault when our dog died."  
  
"I was ten when that happened," he mumbled.  
  
"Steve, stop blaming yourself. Stop blaming Catherine. Your son was sentenced to die before he was born. And your brother, God has mercy on him, died because he sat the barn on fire with a fucking cigarette that fell from his mouth while he was drunk. You weren't even there when it happened. You were camping with your friends."  
  
Steve gritted his teeth, "I should have been there. He wouldn't have drunk himself into oblivion. I could have …"  
  
"Done absolutely nothing," his aunt ended his sentence, "do you think he cared about you the way you cared about him? He was an alcoholic, Steve. He'd been hiding his bottles all over the place. And if it wasn't alcohol, it was drugs. Andy had taken on a path, and only he knew where it would lead him. He might've been your hero, but the truth is, his mind was fucked up. You fell for his stories. I don't blame you. He was ten years older than you, and while your dad was hardly at home, he cared for you as best as he could. I wished I could've done more for you boys. When the two of you grew older, Andy lost the fight against his inner demons. You know he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder?"  
  
Steve's brows shot up in surprise; he took a step back, "No, Trudy. Nobody ever told me."  
  
"Sorry, I forgot. Sickness wasn't an option. According to your father, Andy wasn't sick. Mental illness didn't count in his world. For him, it was rubbish. Andy didn't wear his scars on the outside, so nothing was visible. I've tried to talk some sense into your father. He ignored me. What else?"  
  
Steve felt like someone just pulled the rug out from underneath his feet. He sat down on his bed. Some of the pieces fell into place.  
  
He had cleared his throat before he rose to speak, "Nevertheless, please don't trust Catherine. I don't know on what mission she is, but she's definitely lost it. She's been stalking me for a while now. I know how that sounds, but I swear I'm telling you the truth."  
  
Tears fell from his beautiful eyes. Trudy sat down next to him and took him in her arms. Four hours later, he headed home.  
  
When he arrived at Danny's house, the rain was pouring down in sheets. He was soaking wet before he even set foot across the street.  
  
Someone must've seen him running toward the entrance because the door swung open and Danny hollered out, "Look what the cat dragged in." His words were followed by tiny quick steps.  
  
"Uckle Steve, Uckle Steve," four-year-old Anela didn't care how wet he was. She jumped right into Steve's arms, put her little arms around his neck and showered him with kisses.  
  
He held her gently and gave her a kiss on the forehead.  
  
"Miss you, you bad. Way too long." She complained.  
  
Danny grabbed Anela. He had almost to pry her away from Steve, "Away; Steve had been too long away, princess." She tiredly rubbed her eyes when Danny closed the door with his free hand.  
  
He put the four-year-old back on her feet, slapped her gently on the back and told her, "Go to your mom. There's still some ice cream in the fridge."  
  
"Isn't it a little late for that?" Steve smirked.  
  
"She wanted to stay up to welcome you and except for ice cream nothing else was working," Danny explained with a big smile plastered all over his face.  
  
"Steve, I can't tell you how much I've missed you," he said and wanted to pull his lover into an embrace.  
  
The dark haired hesitated, "Buddy; I'm soaking wet. The water is already pooling on the floor."  
  
"Like I would give a fuck," Danny muttered before he grabbed Steve's neck and claimed his soft full lips with his. All the longing they had felt over the last couple of weeks exploded as soon as their lips met.  
  
With a whimper of need, Steve instantly gave into the bliss, his body was feeling and pressed himself tighter against Danny. They drove the kiss deeper, as passion devoured them completely. Unfortunately, they had to come up for air. And when they did they chuckled like teenagers on their first date after their first kiss. Steve took Danny's head between his hands and pressed his forehead against his lover's, "Thank you for not letting me down, Danno. Thank you for believing in me. I love you; there are no words to describe how much I love you." Both swallowed.  
  
"I think you should get changed, and I take care of the mess, here on the floor," Danny said hoarsely and breathed a kiss on Steve's mouth. The touch was gentle and sent tiny shivers down his spine.  
  
Steve returned a little later, dressed in Sponge Bob trunks and a navy blue shirt.  
  
"Too bad, our princess checked out ten minutes ago. But she'd loved those trunks to pieces for sure," Kono quipped.  
  
"Hey, I love Sponge Bob. Don't laugh at me. I even had a pajama, once," Steve wasn't a bit embarrassed.  
  
"A Sponge Bog Pajama? Seriously?" Danny got into it, "and where is it? Any chance I gotta see you in it?  
  
"Catherine burned it, sorry." Steve deadpanned.  
  
Kono and Danny looked at him, stunned.  
  
"I'm not kidding. She burned a lot of my stuff. My Smoking, my Ella Fitzgerald record collection, my car, no, sorry I got that wrong. It was her car; it's been my birthday present for her, once. I can tell you the fire department's invoice almost ruined me." Steve shrugged apologetically.  
  
"I think I would've killed her," Danny stated.  
  
"Oh, I tried. I put my hands around her neck."  
  
Kono and Danny paled.  
  
"I'm just kidding folks; I'm just kidding." Steve calmed them. Well, he did not try it that time but sometimes later, twice which he didn't tell them.  
  
"I think we'd better leave. It is way beyond Alena's bedtime. Thank you for the wonderful evening, Danny, Steve." She got up and hugged the big guy.  
  
"I'm carrying her to the car if you don't mind," Steve suggested.  
  
"No, not at all. Thank you." She hugged Danny and gave him a peck on his cheek. Then she followed Steve outside.  
  
On the other side of the street, a car was parked in the dark. The person inside the car took pictures of the cute threesome and Steve, who waved Kono goodbye.  
  
Two glasses of red wine stood on the coffee table when Steve returned to the living room which was illuminated by two large candles on the fireplace.  
  
"Are you trying to seduce me?" Steve asked Danny as the latter dropped onto the couch next to him.  
  
"Does it work?" The blond replied. They clinked glasses and drank.  
  
"Did this Catherine really burn your stuff?" Danny wanted to know.  
  
"You're killing the romantic mood, on purpose?" Steve complained.  
  
"Sorry. You brought that up. I only want to know if it's true." Danny put the glass back on the table.  
  
"Listen, I already wanted to talk with you about Catherine, about my past. I don't want to build this relationship on secrets and lies. I want to tell you everything about me, and you should ask me if you think I'm hiding something."  
  
Danny took a deep breath, "Wow. What can I say? I'm surprised. I didn't expect that. I thought we would fuck each other's brains out and keep on going. Like we always do or did. You've caught me totally off guard. I'm not …"  
  
"If you don't want to talk, now, I don't have a problem with it. We can talk tomorrow or any other day," Steve suggested.  
  
"No, no. It's okay Steve. It's just … I was at the hospital while you were away. I have to talk to you either. I, I didn't just know how to begin …" He dropped his gaze.  
  
Steve almost dropped his glass as he put it also back on the table, "Jesus Danny, why didn't you call me? What happened?"  
  
"Don't worry; I knew the time would come …"  
  
The lump in Steve's throat was about to explode. Tears filled his eyes, "You, are you telling me you are gonna die?"  
  
Danny's head jerked up. Their eyes locked, "What? Hell no, buddy. I'm not going to die. Hopefully not until I'm eighty or ninety. I'm sorry. I didn't want to scare the crap out of you. Come here."  
  
He pulled Steve into his arms and held him tight. He felt his lover's heart hammering wildly in his chest. Danny cursed himself for being so insensitive. He should have left Steve to do the talking, and then he should have told him about his loss of hearing. According to his doctor, it was inevitable and only a matter of time.  
  
#####  
  
Catherine sat in her rental. Her flight to Hawaii was delayed. She'd asked her friend Doris to keep an eye on Steve after he'd arrived from the airport. And Doris had done her that favor. She'd even taken pictures of him and the bitch with the bastard child. The happy looking 'family' was too much for Catherine.  
  
She cried out, dropped the phone, clenched her fists to stop them from shaking and banged both hands on the steering wheel, hard, taking out her anger and frustration on the plastic and the metal, wishing she was slugging Steve instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for taking your time. Comments and/or Kudos appreciated


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